Welcome to my life. Yes, it’s true. You found me.
I’m here to give you new food inspiration for your primal/paleo eating habits. I’m here to make you laugh, chortle and educated. On top of being an at-home chef, I’m a bit of a nutrition nut. I study this stuff like it’s my Masters or PhD. It may as well be.
Edited March 27th, 2015. Don’t be a fucking food snob. Everyone will hate you. I know. I never had candida, either. BOO!
But what would a food blog be without a FOOD POST?!
Ok, there’s some back story to this.
I broke my 24-hour fast with this meal. If you’re not sure why one would fast, I suggest heading over to Mark’s Daily Apple and do a wee bit of searching. Intermittent fasting is great for fat-burning acceleration, but also, for health reasons. I’m battling a candida overgrowth, and I want the little bastard to die already. So, while my tummy rumbled, I fed it plenty of water, olive leaf-extract, and a few candida stopping pills. The immense beauty and smell of dinner this evening was too much, and I had to give in!
Roast Beef and BBQ Parsnip Fries (who needs potatoes?!)
1 big ol’ hunk of beef (pot roast, shoulder, whatever)
1 large white onion, 2 – 3 cloves of garlic, smashed
Salt, pepper, turmeric, sweet paprika, garlic powder, sage, marjoram
Several tablespoons of wild boar lard (or delicious fat of your choice)
3 – 4 parsnips, peeled, cut up into fry-like pieces
Parchment paper (this will make your life so much easier, I promise)
Story and Instructions
After my physio appointment earlier today, I stopped by a nearby grocery store to pick up some food stuffs. I was craving beef. Hell, I was craving everything, since I’d been up since a little after 8am, and had nothing, absolutely nothing to eat. Water was sustaining me. Everything looked and smelled delicious in that damned grocery store. I headed over to the meat isle and found a nice big ‘ol slab of beef. Now, remember…I was shopping in a fasted state. I don’t remember the cut I bought. Maybe it was a rib-eye roast, or round tip roast. I don’t care. It was a big honking piece of beef, and I was STARVING. So, I bought it. I also bought two pieces of veal shank osso buco…which is making me crazy stupid excited to try out. That’s for another day.
Another thing: I just discovered wild boar lard at a shop called Medium Rare. I’m confident God eats plenty of this stuff. We’ve been using it to fry bacon, eggs, veggies, and yes, it plays an important role in this meal. But fear not, reader! If you do not have wild boar lard, use bacon fat, coconut oil, pork lard, or hell, a combination of all of the above.
Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Preheat your frying pan at around medium heat, and keep it there for nearly five minutes. It’ll be hot, but not holy-shit-smoking hot. Add in your lard. Slosh it around in the pan. Now, take that hunka-hunka piece of beef you bought, and gently place it in your pan. Ssssssssss. Sizzling, right? Good. Season generally with salt and pepper. Now, leave it alone. I’m serious. Leave it! Let the frying pan and beef get to know each other, and mingle. You’re going leave those two alone for close to five minutes.
K? You ready? Grab your tongs, and flip that bad boy carefully onto it’s other side. Wow! You’ve probably got a sexy, seared piece of meat huh? Yes, you do. K, now leave it again for a few minutes. At this temperature, you won’t burn it. I promise. Unless you had a washroom emergency, and you were in there for uh, way too long. Then I can’t help you. You’ve got a burnt piece of meat.
Repeat this process until every single side of that beef is dark, beautiful and crispy. If that means holding it up with your tongs and standing there like a fool for five minutes, so be it. It’s worth it! Trust me!
Chop up that onion into chunks. Lay ’em down in a roasting pan, season with salt and pepper, and toss those crushed garlic gloves in. Those poor garlic gloves. So crushed. *sniffle*
Once that beef is seared, carefully place it on top of your onion bed, if you will. Now, sprinkle generously with your beautiful turmeric, paprika, sage, marjoram, garlic powder. And…a few blobs of lard. Yes, do it. DOOO EEEET. Some extra salt and pepper, but don’t go crazy. Is your oven ready? Awesome. Chuck her in!
I gave mine about 1.5 hours in the oven. It is juicy, delicious, with a crispy, delicious crust.
Now, increase your oven temp to 400 degrees. Now on to those fries! Oh my god. These fries are so good, they make me weep.
By now, you’ve peeled and cut up your parsnips. Lay out some parchment paper onto your baking sheet or two (parchment paper makes cleanup so easy; but if you don’t have it, no biggie. I aint’ doing yer dishes!). Melt about 1 – 2 tablespoons of lard in a small bowl in the microwave. Drizzle over yer ‘snips, and toss ’em to coat. Generously coat with salt, pepper, turmeric, paprika and more garlic powder. Toss ’em so they’re eventually coated. I’d say you’re probably using about 2 tablespoons each of turmeric and paprika, the rest to your choosing. You should have some beautiful, colourful parsnips there, friend! Once your oven is ready, pop ’em in. You’ll want to check on these bad boys after 15 – 20 minutes in. Flip ’em, or they’ll burn on one side. At this point, I stir in a teaspoon or two of more lard for flavour. This stuff is unreal! Really! Put ’em back in for about 5 – 10 minutes.
Are you ready for this?!
This meal is amazing hot out of the oven, or cold. It’s outstanding. It was worth breaking my fast. I ate the ‘fuck out of it’, as my awesome wife Linda would say. I made these parsnip fries the other day, and they were a huge hit with her. Remember: cooking isn’t just for you to fed your big mouth. It’s most importantly, for those you love :D
To food, joy, health and love. Enjoy!