Linda’s Lardy Chicken and Roasted Asparagus

Guess what!?

I didn’t do ANY cooking today! Woo! It’s nice to get a break, every now and then. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to cook; rather, I had no time to make anything before I had to run off to work in the afternoon. Linda, aka Wifey, is always willing to make food, with some instruction. She’s so good, she needs very little these days. She roasts up some mean, tasty vegetables, makes a wicked breakfast, and is a pro at searing meat. What’s easier than pan-fried meat and roasted veggies? Nada. Without further ado:

Linda’s Lardy Chicken and Roasted Asparagus

3 large chicken breasts, pounded out with a mallet, olive oil bottle, whatever. Get ’em flatter than how they came.
2 tablespoons lard, or your yummy fat of choice
1 tablespoon buttah
2 – 3 tablespoons Italian seasoning
1.5 tablespoons garlic powder
Sea salt and pepper

Roasted Asparagus

1 large bunch asparagus, washed
3 – 4 tablespoons olive oil
Sea salt and pepper

Pre-heat your oven to 375. Bend your asparagus until it weakens and snaps at the last third of the stalk. This is where the woody part of the asparagus is, and you don’t want to eat it. James Barber taught me this trick. It bends right at the point where the woodsy crap starts. So, do this until they’re cleaned up. On a baking sheet, lined with parchment paper, lay out your asparagus neatly. Douse these with your olive oil, and season generously with sea salt and pepper. Is that your oven I hear? Pop ’em in. Leave them in there for about 25 – 30 minutes. Our asparagus was nice and meaty, so it took the full 30 minutes. Don’t cook yours for too long if they’re the skinny type. Take ’em out. Done!

Heat your frying pan to medium-high; melt your lard, or fat of choice. Sear your breasts! HAHA! Oh man. That just looks funny. Sidenote: This recipe *was* going to be called “Linda’s (Chicken) Breasts”, which *I* thought was hilarious. I got the head-nod of disapproval from Linda. Damn. She came up with “Linda’s Lardy Chicken Breasts”, because as she put it: “I needed more fat in the pan once I seared the first two, so it’d be more lardy”. Yes, lardy.


Anyhoo, sear your chicken until deep golden brown on one side, then flip carefully. You don’t want a grease burn. You really don’t. Once both sides are seared, turn the heat down, and add some buttah. Cover, and watch ’em for about 10 – 12 minutes. You just want these nicely cooked through, not dry. Dry chicken is sad, very sad. It makes the baby Jesus cry.

It was so awesome to come home, and find beautiful food made by a beautiful woman. She makes me so proud.

I hear you all barfing. Shut up.

Here. This will make you puke:

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