Monthly Archives: October 2012

THE MOST BADASS MEATZZA YOU’VE NEVER HAD! (But will again!)

It was a drizzly, blackened evening.

Damp leaves and soggy grass threatened to give way under my feet as I stumbled out of my last bus onto the grass, up the hill to a cat walk.

Going home.

My trusty backpack full of groceries.

I went to Whole Paycheck after work and barely broke $13:

6 organic avocados (on sale)
1 bag frozen broccoli (on sale)
1 bag frozen butternut squash (ditto)
1 large bunch of locally grown spinach

Upon arriving, I got to work in the kitchen. I seared two large pieces of beef shank (that’s osso bucco to you fine readers of mine), and threw a large guillotined head of cauliflower into the crock pot. The cauliflower was sharing the space with a gelatinous goo of pork scraps, onions, garlic, rosemary and other casualties of a long, drawn out pork butt crock pot war.

A local grocery store makes awesome, made-from-de-scratch soup in a jar. Their tomato soup is excellent, and this week, I bought a sweet potato and leek concoction. Delicious. This soup was poured over the cauliflower and just arriving beef shanks, browned and glistening in slick fat, marrow and blood. A final oddment of leftover chicken broth was added at the end, a dash of chopped red onion, a few bits of rosemary. Lid on. Low heat, 8 hours. Done.

Two packages of ground meat were glaring at me from the fridge.

Ah, crap. I’m so hungry. That meat must be made.

Roughly one and a half pounds each of grass-fed beef, and ground lamb.

I threw this mixture together with a random mix of vegetable drawer leftovers. Insignificant carrots, celery. Garlic. Onions. Fresh parsley. The last wave of potent garlicky chicken broth I’d made to stave off illness this past week.

A clever assortment of flavours and textures. As I was mixing, I thought:

Meatloaf.

Bacon on top.

In the oven. Like last week. Yeah. That’ll be tasty.

Ahhh…

No.

Burgers. Let’s make burgers. Yes. Good. Okay.

Brow furrows. Batman scowl.

No.

Then, a thought. A twinkle. A big grin.

OH MY GOD.

This is going to be the MOST BADASS MEATZZA EVER!

Ensuing happy dance.

I’ve done meatzza before. I love it. I actually haven’t made some in a while. Probably because I usually put red peppers on my meatzza, but my body is like, uh, no. We don’t like that. 

Edited March 27th, 2015. I was never ‘intolerant’ to red peppers or any of the hundreds (yes, hundreds) of foods that my IgG blood test said I was. Those tests are bogus.

Fine.

FINE!!!

Bacon fat ensnares taste buds, pleases the belly and brings joy wherever it is mixed in to. Crunchy, crumbled bacon bits top this meatzza that is lovingly draped with wilted spinach, and a merry mix of chopped grape tomatoes.

I don’t care if Jules thinks pigs are filthy animals. He’d eat this badass mother of a meatzza.

I have to watch me some Pulp Fiction soon.

Dig in.

Let joy ensue.

BADASS MEATZZA THAT YOU’VE NEVER HAD (BUT WILL AGAIN)

1.5 lbs ground grass fed beef
1.5 lbs ground lamb
3/4 cup finely chopped red onion
1 large garlic clove, smashed, chopped, obliterated
2 small stalks of celery, thinly sliced
2 – 3 small carrots, thinly sliced
1/2 cup chicken broth
A few splashes of homemade soup (Don’t have any? Don’t worry about it)
Small bunch of celery leaves, chopped
Small handful of fresh parsley, chopped
Fresh rosemary
Salt and pepper

Preheat your oven to a hot 375 degrees. Combine this meat and veg amalgam thoroughly. I mean, really. Get in there. Take off your jewelry, watch, and bracelet. Maybe put your hair up. Maybe put on some music. But get in there, dammit!

Make a ball.

Flatten said meat and veg ball onto a baking sheet. I have a typical round pizza one that I used this time, but you don’t have to. When you’re flattening your ball, make sure it’s nice and even. I even formed a bit of a crust around the edges. Toss that bad boy into the oven. Give it 15, 20 minutes tops.

You smell that?

That’s happy.

In the oven.

Take out your ‘crust’. There will be a pool of liquid and fat. Drain this carefully, but don’t toss it! Use it for soup, or for boiling some sweet potatoes in, or squash, cauliflower. That’s flavour, baby. Don’t waste it.

For shame.

Next, crank your oven to broil.

You will need:

1/2 pint grape tomatoes, chopped
2 handfuls of spinach, chopped
2 slices bacon

Chop up your bacon into bits and bites and fry it up until browned and crispy. Scoop out the bacon and set it aside. Don’t eat it. I know it’s tempting. Hell, I’d do it.

Use half the rendered bacon fat as your ‘sauce’. Spread it evenly over the base.

Toss your spinach into the remaining bacon fat on high. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook until just wilted. Baby spinach would be perfect for this, but the adult kind is all I had.

Spread your wilted, bacon infused spinach over the base of your meatzza. Add your chopped tomatoes, and crumble that bacon on top. Salt and pepper.

This now goes into your smoking hot oven.

Now.

WATCH THIS!

Don’t step away for too long.

Use your nose! If it smells good. it’s DONE. The edges of your meatzza will be dark and crusty, the tips of tomatoes barely singed.

Slide this badass mother onto a cutting board. Wait a few minutes.

If you can.

I guess…

Cut it up.

Eat.

Love,
me

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Seared Sage Pork Chops with Apples and Cardamom, aka ENJOY DUCK FAT RESPONSIBLY

Mother Nature weeps.

She blows, gusts and storms, pounding through the east coast.

I hope you are all keeping safe while Hurricane Sandy thrashes about outside.

She’s clearly mad because she doesn’t have enough fat in her diet.

Rainy weather always brings a particular song to mind, from my favourite band of all time, James:

There’s a storm outside, and the gap between crack and thunder
Crack and thunder, is closing in, is closing in
The rain floods gutters, and makes a great sound on concrete
On a flat roof, there’s a boy leaning against the wall of rain
Aerial held high, calling “come on thunder, come on thunder”
Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul
Sometimes, when I look deep in your eyes, I swear I can see your soul

I hope our power doesn’t go out as I type this.

As you all know, I’ve been on a super strict eating regimen since late July thanks to numerous food intolerances. This means no eggs, no dairy, no gluten (gee, that’s a hard one), and certain vegetables and spices. As per Mark Sisson’s Primal Blueprint, I could be eating dairy if my body allowed it.

But it sure doesn’t. Congestion follows; I really don’t need that in my life.

I feel like I should rename the site to PaleoPat, as I’m hardly scarfing any dairy. But alas, PaleoPat doesn’t have the same ring to it as PrimalPat, now does it?

Edited March 27th, 2015. It’s amazing what ‘symptoms’ we convince ourselves we have because we were told we have ‘intolerances’. I was never intolerant to anything. IgG tests are bullshit. I spent nearly $500 on mine.

Fall is upon us, and if it wasn’t screaming wind and hurling rain outside, it would be rather lovely: copper, scarlet and gold leaves teasing us from solemn trees.

This also means tucking in to a bowl of savoury stew, squash, ripe apples, and pumpkins. Flavours that harmonize well with cinnamon, cloves, and sage.

Okay. Are you sitting down?

Good.

You like pork, right?

Wait. Of course you do. You’re reading my blog.

I bought three mammoth sized pork chops with the bone-in from Medium Rare and created a dish that’s perfect for a miserable evening such as this.

But really. Any evening will do. Especially if you need cheering up. I promise: this meal will make you go “OH MY GOD” and “HOLY $#@!” because as usual, it’s luscious, rich, and if…if…you’ve fallen off the Primal/Paleo bandwagon, fear not. Despite your binge of processed white flour, sugar and rancid omega-6 laden fats… OMG PAT STFU. WHITE FLOUR, SUGAR AND ALL FATS ARE DELICIOUSABLE.  

you’ll feel like you came home once the combination of pork, duck fat, sage and apples flirt with your tongue.

I promise.

Or I’m not PrimalPat.

Dammit.

Now…

DUCK FAT.

Yes, there it is. DUCK FAT.

Can you dig it? I was passionately in love with the wild boar lard I purchase fervently from Medium Rare. I dream about it. I salivate just thinking about it.

(Okay, no I don’t…yes, I do…no…wait).

But after Canadian Thanksgiving, I stopped on by, looked in their fridge to happily embrace two tubs of it…

…but…

…THEY WERE SOLD OUT.

OH GOD!

Heart palpitations. Shallow breathing. Sweaty palms.

Okay, I need my animal fats, and I need them NAOW.

Wait. What’s this?

Duck fat?

Hmmmmmm. Okay, let’s do it.

I seared my pork chops in some duck fat when I made this dish. Later on that evening, when I was ravenous and needed something to eat, I dug in. That’s when my taste buds screamed:

“You’ve taken the exit from Same Ol’, Same Ol’ Highway into FLAVOUR CITY OH MY GOD!!!!11!!!1111!1!1!1”

So on, and so forth.

Please enjoy duck fat responsibly.

Seared Sage Pork Chops with Apples and Cardamom

Three mammoth sized pork chops with the bone-in, roughly 1″ thick
A very generous cracking of black pepper
Sea salt, himalayan salt, whatever
Generous amount of dried sage
A sprinkling of onion powder
5 cloves
5 cardamom pods
1 Royal Gala apples, cut into chunks. Use what you have.
THE MIGHTY AND SCRUMPTIOUS DUCK FAT…MAY INDUCE FOODGASMS ABOUND. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE IF YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER/CAT/DOG DISPLACES YOU FOR DUCK FAT. FAT LUST IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

It happens.

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Coat your awesome pork chops in all dried spices, except the cloves and cardamom. In a pan over medium high heat, melt your OHMAHGAWDSOAMAZING duck fat, roughly one tablespoon. Sear your pork chops until beautifully golden brown. Remove from your pan, and set these aside in a roasting pan.

Add your apples to the frying pan, and sauté over medium heat in the leftover fat and herbs for about 15 minutes. Add an extra dash or two of dried sage, and season with salt and pepper. Add in your cloves and cardamom pods*.

*Gently crack your cardamom pods before adding them; this way they can release their fragrant citrus notes and party hard with your pork and apples. Continue cooking for another 3 – 5 minutes, covered.

Add this glorious mixture to your pork. Now whack the whole thing into the oven for approximately 15 – 20 minutes. Don’t overcook your pork, or I’ll come over and slap you. Dried pork is shameful.

SHAMEFUL!

Don’t disappoint me. That hurts. Right here.

*points in general heart direction*

I should also let you all know…I’m currently out of duck fat…AND lard…

…OH GOD! THE END IS NEAR!

Remember: enjoy luscious animal fats responsibly. Now if you excuse me, I have to find something to eat…

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Saucy, Naughty Braised Veggies with Garlic and Rosemary

Hey!

Hey you.

Yes, you. The good looking one heading for the kitchen.

Whatcha making?

Steak?

Ooooooooh!

Then you also have to make this:

Saucy, Naughty Veggies with Garlic and Rosemary

I seared my 2.5lb grass-fed steak in a bunch of beef tallow. The kitchen smelled like a barnyard. Wifey and I agreed there are far worse smells. I love beef tallow because it is richer and has more depth than butter. Yes, I said it.

Beef tallow is better than butter.

Once you’ve picked your jaw off the mouth at that statement, keep reading.

I finished off the steak in the oven at 380 degrees for about 10 minutes. Then I took it out to rest.

What was left over in the pan was a bunch of leftover fat and beef juices.

Whole Foods carries these ridiculously convenient package of mixed organic veggies. I got a shit ton of savoy cabbage, purple cabbage, juilliened carrots, and red onion. I made a large portion for myself, and yet still have enough to feed us both for about two more meals. All this cost me a little over $3.

Allow your pan to cool off once it comes out of the oven.

What we’re going to do in about 15 – 20 minutes is what usually takes an hour or more with tough meat. Cooking in liquid on low heat breaks down muscle and tendons, making them buttery soft and exceedingly delicious.

Only we’re going to do that with a veggie that most people don’t like.

Cabbage.

It’s going to be so good, that you will personally email me and/or comment and tell me all about the foodgasm happening in your mouth, all while typing furiously on the keyboard, getting steak and veggie stuffs everywhere.

Heat your frying pan on high with the leftover beef goodness. When hot, add in your onions. Salt and pepper them. Keep tossing them about, like hyperactive kids on a trampoline. Keep the pan hot and things moving!

Add in your carrots. Repeat as above. Toss, dance, etc.

Now cover this with a lid and leave it for a minute.

….

It’s been a minute. Your pan should be steaming, veggies browning and glazed over like a happy teenage drunk on a Saturday night. Splosh in another tad of water. Cover! Shake!

Ready? Wait another thirty seconds.

…..

Okay!

Now, add in a hefty portion of cabbage, both green and red. Salt and pepper again. Toss, dance, sing! Keep this stuff moving! You should have a slightly browned (but not burnt) amount of beef and veggie debris stuck on the bottom of the pan. Another splash of water.

Cover.

Shake your pan.

Shake it, shake it, shake it Salome.

Uncover!

Is it a hot sexy mess in there? Gleaming, fragrant and auburn. Add two whole garlic cloves. Turn your heat down to medium high. Keep the pan moving while still covered.

Add a small spring of fresh rosemary, torn up into bits.

Continue tossing, stirring, scraping flavour bits from the bottom of the pan. A wooden spoon is great for this.

Your veggie concoction will be wilted, saucy and dead sexy. Serve with your unbelievable steak.

Let the party BEGIN!

I’m waiting for your messy emails.

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