Category Archives: venting

Women: EAT LIKE A MAN!

Turn on the television. Count how many ads you see for food specifically geared towards women. Do this for an hour, that is if you can stand television today for that long. How many of them devote their entire message to eating less?

All of them.

Special K wants us to eat their breakfast sandwiches that are 190 calories.

Multiple yogurt companies stuff bland, vile sludge down our throats with less than 50 calories, 0 percent fat and ‘high protein’.

Do you really want a small, shitty pack of “cookies” that are 100 calories? Have you seen those? Those are hardly cookies. Give me two packs of those, a bowl and some whole milk. That’s cereal!

Skinny Cow wants us to eat those little itsy-bitsy teeny weeny, yellow polka dot bikini –

Wait.

Those tiny portions of ice cream! All geared towards women!

Tiny food.

To make you tiny.

Healthy.

Empowered.

Right?

WRONG.

We are STARVING. We under eat. We are orthorexic and anorexic. In vast proportions. Or should that say ‘portions’? We stuff ourselves at 11pm, butts hanging out our fridge, gorging on calories we do not allow ourselves and secretly shame ourselves for.

When was the last time you saw a food ad geared towards men? Perhaps light beer. Remember Hungry Man microwavable food? They advertised over 1lb of food in a microwavable box for men. REAL MEN EAT REAL FOOD YARRRRRR. Men are not made to feel shame for their food choices. Men are not told to eat this, or avoid that. Men just EAT THE FOOD.

No matter how enlightened, secure, or empowered we feel in our daily lives towards every other thing, food is women’s achilles heel. These companies know this all too well. Magazines all push articles on losing weight with some new fad diet or another.

My mother used to purchase Women’s World magazine many, many years ago. A long time friend of my wife had an interesting and hilarious observation: “Why do all the women on the cover of Women’s World look like they want to EAT YOU?!” On one side of the front cover, they’d advertise a new way to lose weight. On the other? CAKE! COOKIES! WAIT UNTIL YOU TRY THIS NEW RECIPE FOR FUDGE! Or something.

There are so many ways the world makes us feel unworthy, fat, and hideous. We are taught to hate our bodies. Restrict this food or that food. Then we can binge on ‘bad’ food and hate ourselves even more.

The cycle continues.

I am a 5Rhythms devotee. It is a beautiful type of ‘moving meditation’. We move to music of all sorts, un-choreographed, allow what is presently with us internally to just be, and move how we feel without judgement. We may bawl our eyes out. We may feel elated and rejuvenated. It is an awe-inspiring modality for dealing with pent up emotions, for looking deep into ourselves, for connecting with total strangers in a beautiful, intimate way. We let our souls shine and let it all out!

Did I mention it’s a ton of fun? Even when you feel like your heart is torn in two, 5Rhythms will challenge you in every way possible.

This past April, I attended a three-day workshop called “All My Relations” given by the wonderful, wise and always hilarious Kathy Altman of The Moving Center School in California. On day two, after three hours of continuous, rigorous movement, we broke for lunch.

I had packed white potatoes sliced thin, and fried in bacon fat that morning. I also packed with it a hearty portion of shredded chicken breast. I was absolutely famished, my stomach grunting it’s disapproval. I looked around at my fellow dancers to see what everyone else was eating. I was stunned.

Salad.

Yes, salad.

SALAD?!!

After sweating for hours, pouring with sweat and emotion, many ladies deemed salad as a great post-workout meal.

I wanted to cry.

I have noticed over the years that women eat salad in front of each other. Why do we seek approval from other women on our food choices?

Other dancers consumed dates, crackers and hummus, grapes, berries. That sounds yummy, but is that a meal unto itself? After three hours of dancing your ass off?

95% of my fellow dancers at this workshop were women.

After attending a workshop in July given by the lovely, passionate Lucia Horan, I was approached by a woman from out of town. She asked if I knew the area well…and where could she get a good…

…wait for it…

…SALAD!!!

I have nothing against salad. It can be a great meal with the appropriate ingredients, protein, heck maybe even some squash thrown in. I gotta have my starch. And frankly, so do you!

Woman was not meant to live on salad alone!

Neither was man.

But Hungry Man never came out with a Hungry Man SUPER MASSIVE SALAD KIT YARRRR!

Many months ago, I was at work on my lunch break. I ate what I brought: some combo of meat, veg and starch. But it wasn’t enough. I was still so effing hungry. My metabolism is bat shit most days.

Enter chocolate.

I popped into Godiva, spent $12 (yes, 12 DOLLARS) on a large block of delicious, sensuous chocolate. I walked around the mall to kill time all while eating said bar of awesome.

The looks I got. The side-eyed stares, the disapproval. Yes, I am eating chocolate, stuffing my face, because it’s DELICIOUS and I LOVE IT and SO DO YOU so EAT SOME ALREADY. AND SHUT UP.

Men eat. They eat what they want, when they want it. They don’t watch Dr. Oz and babble about eating coconut oil to boost metabolism and lose weight.

They don’t eat low-fat ice cream. They don’t eat salad post-workout! Men EAT and they have no shame, no concern for anyone else’s perception. Nobody turns an evil eye to a man eating ANYTHING he wants. Had I been a buff, hot, sexy man walking around the mall stuffing my face on Godiva, no one would batt an eyelash. No one would disapprove. But there I was, tall, relatively slim, FEMALE and gorging on chocolate while looking at clothing in H&M.

It’s not our fault. Television, magazines, billboards, Victoria’s Secret, Cosmo, Hollywood, fad diet gurus, Dr. Oz. Big money goes into making us feel like SHIT.

From childhood, we are told we’re not good enough. We’re not thin enough, hot enough, sexy enough, smart enough.

WE ARE ENOUGH.

You are always enough.

Stop believing in everyone else’s version of what you “should” be. You are your own compass, your own map. No one else is going to figure out you for you.

Determine how much you need to eat daily based on your height, weight and activity level. You will be very surprised at how much you need to eat!

http://www.health-calc.com/diet/energy-expenditure-advanced

Eat everything. There are no ‘bad’ or ‘good’ foods. This is hyper-food-extremism at its worst. Butter is not the devil and sugar is not responsible for everyone’s health problems.
Relax. Cook and eat with friends. Don’t eat in front of the television. You do not enjoy your food that way. You do not enjoy the company of your lover or BFF that way.

Enjoy good wine. Drink beer from local craft breweries. Sleep. Pray. Meditate. Let go.

When was the last time you showed yourself loving-kindness? Not just in a spiritual manner…but with food? When did you last derive pleasure from a meal? One that made you go “OH MYYYYYYY” a la George Takei.

If you haven’t in a long time, leave the comfort of your couch and computer and get in the kitchen. If you don’t have appropriate groceries to make a sexy meal, then go out and buy them.
Make pasta carbonara. Fresh, hot pasta, bacon, a splash of hot pasta-fied water, egg yolks, parmesan cheese, freshly cracked black pepper. It’s easy and delicious. It’s slippery, silky, rich and simply, incredibly orgasmically divine.

When I started to Eat the Food, I bought fresh egg bread from a local Italian bakery. I had also just bought eggs, my favourite butter (L’Ancêtre from Quebec. Worth every penny), local maple syrup and whole milk. All from Blossom Organic, one of my favourite food stores. I went home and whipped up a huge batch of french toast for myself, wife and 10 year old niece Dani.

The sweetness of the maple syrup, contrasted with salty butter, and dense luscious egg soaked bread was un…be…lievable. I was in heaven. I couldn’t believe I had denied myself for so long. We women, we’re good at that. Denying, suppressing, apologizing, guilt-tripping, rationalizing. To whom? Ourselves? To this world that pushes us around?

Fuck it. Fuck Hollywood. Fuck television and fuck disgusting 50 calorie yogurt and stupid packets of shitty cookies. We have hated ourselves and hated food for far too long.

It is time to take it back.

Take food back.

Take us back.

Julia Child has a wonderful line about ‘diet food’:

“The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.”

And…

“I think every woman should have a blowtorch”.

Oh, so much to tell you all!

I cannot believe I have been away for over five months, approaching six. I feel strange having abandoned a blog and a following I loved and worked hard on.

It’s not because I do not care.

It is simply because my priorities changed.

I also came to some astonishing new realizations about primal/paleo eating: it doesn’t work for everyone. And it didn’t work for me.

I’m still in a mild state of shock over this conclusion. I, like many, thought I’d found the holy grail of health, of vitality, of true nourishment.

I need to collect all my thoughts, all my feelings and every last syllable before I write a very long, and very overdue post.

This site is also getting a serious face lift. I’m not digging the current theme.

Stay tuned for a mind-altering, eye-opening, shocking new post! Coming soon to an internet browser near you!

Sweet ‘n Sticky True Blood Sweet Potato Fries with Roasted Plums, and Lip-Smackin’ Lamb

Hi kids.

It is sunny, hot, muggy and humid.

That is an observation, not a complaint. I’ll take it over winter any day.

I haven’t been posting food epic-ness in a while, not because I don’t cook, or because I don’t love you. But because I’ve been eating the same boring shite for weeks!

Meat, fat, veggies. Repeat. Nothing exciting enough to post for you lovelies. I do have one trick up my sleeve though. Sweet ‘n sticky True Blood Sweet Potato Fries and Roasted Plums. These were made weeks ago. I filed them in my brain under “Post Later”. Why the True Blood reference? First of all, I am obsessed with the show, and am truly enjoying the latest season. I added plums to the mixture, and once they cooked down, their juices and skin wept, oozing dark crimson red that glistened and gleamed, like blood. My iPhone camera simply did not do these tasty morsels justice. You’ll know what I mean when you whip these up.

I know some of you have found my site looking for help and advice in dealing with candida. I am no expert, and am not a medical practitioner. I have spent months researching, and practically ripping my hair out in frustration. This is an awful affliction, and I would wish it upon no one. In reading about hormone imbalances, I’ve now come to the conclusion that my candida may be a problem of estrogen dominance. I have contacted a naturopathic clinic in Toronto as a last resort. I’ve had it with this crap. I’ve also considered traditional chinese medicine, which I may still look into. We’ll see.

I will list some examples of anti-fungals one should add into their diet to weaken candida. I will also mention that it helps to rotate anti-fungals. Candida is one sneaky bitch. She’ll get used to one anti-fungal, and when she does, you have to switch.

Coconut oil – this magical oil is comprised of medium-chain triglycerides, which your body will burn for energy immediately. It is also extremely high in lauric acid, second to breast milk. Lauric acid is anti-fungal. It is best to take coconut oil on an empty stomach, but I’m warning you: die-off symptoms of candida are brutal, and coconut oil produces some of the worst, I found. Think nausea, bloating, and gas. I feel like vomit for hours after taking coconut oil. In fact, right now, I can’t even stand the smell of it.

Kyolic garlic supplements – this is aged garlic that is super-concentrated. I took several high dose (1000mg) a day for a month. Be sure to rotate, and be forewarned: die-off symptoms are yucky.

Onions – add onions to everything you cook, as they are nature’s anti-fungal as well as garlic. Raw garlic is best, but wow, oh wow…the pain and discomfort of die-off!

Oil of oregano – this oil is a real killer. I always have some in case of sniffles or flu-like symptoms arise. You need the super potent version, however. Look for 90% and above potency. Carvacrol is the active ingredient. Take an eye-dropper full under the tongue several times a day. It’s nasty, and there’s some die-off, but it’s not horrible.

I’ve also used different yeast-eating enzymes with some success. Candex was the first I tried, then Syntol, now YST Management. Remember to lay off all starchy foods (no sweet potato fries, parsnips, or even squash), no fruit, no dairy, absolutely nothing fermented (vinegar, soy sauce, alcohol), no mushrooms. Meat, fat, veggies. Repeat.

Diet will not help alone. I’ve read countless stories of men and women who’ve been on an anti-candida diet for up to two years, and still can’t get rid of it. This is why I’m finally reaching out for more help. You must be relentless in your search, no matter how crazy you think you’re going. You cannot give up. You will destroy this beast. I know I will. I have to keep reminding myself.

Edited March 27th, 2015:

THIS STUFF ABOUT CANDIDA IS BULLSHIT. CANDIDA IS WOO. SYSTEMIC CANDIDA IS PREVALENT IN TERMINALLY ILL PATIENTS, NOT YOU. PLEASE STEP AWAY FROM DR. GOOGLE AND STOP GIVING NATUROPATHIC “DOCTORS” YOUR MONEY.

Who wants some FOOD?

One evening, I threw a lamb shoulder into the oven with only a few ingredients: dried sage, dried rosemary, garam masala, salt and pepper. I smashed up a ton of garlic and stuffed it under the lamb. I blasted it in the oven on convection roast at 400 degrees for about half an hour. This is when I thought to myself, “SELF! You have PLUMS! Throw ’em in there!” I cut up two plums, and dotted the whole thing with butter, because butter = love.

After ten minutes, I realized “Dude. You suck. The lamb is nearly done and the plums ain’t”. By this time, I had sweet potato fries in the oven as well (this was before I realized I can’t have even sweet potatoes as a safe starch at all, or fruit for that matter). They had been cooking for about 20 minutes. I threw the plums in with them, adding in some juices from the lamb shoulder, and the butter. I cranked the oven up to 425 for about 10 minutes. Sizzle, bake, roast. I checked on them, and found oozy, awesome, sticky fries. WIN! I cranked the heat up again to 450 for another 10 minutes.

Let’s put this in an easy-to-understand format, shall we?

Lip-Smackin’ Lamb

1 approx. 3 lb lamb shoulder
1.5 teaspoons each: dried rosemary, dried sage, garam masala
Sea salt and pepper to taste
2 – 3 large garlic gloves, smashed, chopped, obliterated

Coat the entire lamb with your spices. Stuff your obliterated garlic under the lamb and on top. Crank your oven to 400 degrees on convection and cook for about 40 – 45 minutes. Alternately, bake at 375 for about an hour. Your lamb will be medium rare and juicy sweeeeeeeet!

Sweet ‘n Sticky True Blood Sweet Potato Fries and Roasted Plums

1 large sweet potato, peeled and cut into fry-like shapes
Sea salt and pepper to taste
Cinnamon, paprika, rosemary, garlic powder, chipotle, turmeric, grated nutmeg, sage: sprinkle generously!
Lard, melted about 1 tablespoon
2 plums, cut into quarters
Butter, cut up into pieces to ‘dot’ with

Combine all the above. Crank your oven to 400 on convection if you have it. If not, do not concern yourself with trivial matters. Crank it to the same temp on normal. After about 20 minutes, toss and stir everything. Crank the heat up again to 425. Now, wait another 10 – 15 minutes. Toss, stir, coat. Crank again to 450 for 10 minutes. This is beginning to feel like that scene in Captain America where Steve Rogers is in the ‘MURICANIZING MACHINE screaming “NO! I CAN DO IT!” Yes, your sweet potatoes can do it. And yer plums.

When these are done, they will come out glistening with streaks of blood. I mean, plum goodness. Right.

Even a vampire could appreciate these. Serve with your bloody good rare lamb.

OM NOM NOM.

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