Tag Archives: meatzza

THE MOST BADASS MEATZZA YOU’VE NEVER HAD! (But will again!)

It was a drizzly, blackened evening.

Damp leaves and soggy grass threatened to give way under my feet as I stumbled out of my last bus onto the grass, up the hill to a cat walk.

Going home.

My trusty backpack full of groceries.

I went to Whole Paycheck after work and barely broke $13:

6 organic avocados (on sale)
1 bag frozen broccoli (on sale)
1 bag frozen butternut squash (ditto)
1 large bunch of locally grown spinach

Upon arriving, I got to work in the kitchen. I seared two large pieces of beef shank (that’s osso bucco to you fine readers of mine), and threw a large guillotined head of cauliflower into the crock pot. The cauliflower was sharing the space with a gelatinous goo of pork scraps, onions, garlic, rosemary and other casualties of a long, drawn out pork butt crock pot war.

A local grocery store makes awesome, made-from-de-scratch soup in a jar. Their tomato soup is excellent, and this week, I bought a sweet potato and leek concoction. Delicious. This soup was poured over the cauliflower and just arriving beef shanks, browned and glistening in slick fat, marrow and blood. A final oddment of leftover chicken broth was added at the end, a dash of chopped red onion, a few bits of rosemary. Lid on. Low heat, 8 hours. Done.

Two packages of ground meat were glaring at me from the fridge.

Ah, crap. I’m so hungry. That meat must be made.

Roughly one and a half pounds each of grass-fed beef, and ground lamb.

I threw this mixture together with a random mix of vegetable drawer leftovers. Insignificant carrots, celery. Garlic. Onions. Fresh parsley. The last wave of potent garlicky chicken broth I’d made to stave off illness this past week.

A clever assortment of flavours and textures. As I was mixing, I thought:

Meatloaf.

Bacon on top.

In the oven. Like last week. Yeah. That’ll be tasty.

Ahhh…

No.

Burgers. Let’s make burgers. Yes. Good. Okay.

Brow furrows. Batman scowl.

No.

Then, a thought. A twinkle. A big grin.

OH MY GOD.

This is going to be the MOST BADASS MEATZZA EVER!

Ensuing happy dance.

I’ve done meatzza before. I love it. I actually haven’t made some in a while. Probably because I usually put red peppers on my meatzza, but my body is like, uh, no. We don’t like that. 

Edited March 27th, 2015. I was never ‘intolerant’ to red peppers or any of the hundreds (yes, hundreds) of foods that my IgG blood test said I was. Those tests are bogus.

Fine.

FINE!!!

Bacon fat ensnares taste buds, pleases the belly and brings joy wherever it is mixed in to. Crunchy, crumbled bacon bits top this meatzza that is lovingly draped with wilted spinach, and a merry mix of chopped grape tomatoes.

I don’t care if Jules thinks pigs are filthy animals. He’d eat this badass mother of a meatzza.

I have to watch me some Pulp Fiction soon.

Dig in.

Let joy ensue.

BADASS MEATZZA THAT YOU’VE NEVER HAD (BUT WILL AGAIN)

1.5 lbs ground grass fed beef
1.5 lbs ground lamb
3/4 cup finely chopped red onion
1 large garlic clove, smashed, chopped, obliterated
2 small stalks of celery, thinly sliced
2 – 3 small carrots, thinly sliced
1/2 cup chicken broth
A few splashes of homemade soup (Don’t have any? Don’t worry about it)
Small bunch of celery leaves, chopped
Small handful of fresh parsley, chopped
Fresh rosemary
Salt and pepper

Preheat your oven to a hot 375 degrees. Combine this meat and veg amalgam thoroughly. I mean, really. Get in there. Take off your jewelry, watch, and bracelet. Maybe put your hair up. Maybe put on some music. But get in there, dammit!

Make a ball.

Flatten said meat and veg ball onto a baking sheet. I have a typical round pizza one that I used this time, but you don’t have to. When you’re flattening your ball, make sure it’s nice and even. I even formed a bit of a crust around the edges. Toss that bad boy into the oven. Give it 15, 20 minutes tops.

You smell that?

That’s happy.

In the oven.

Take out your ‘crust’. There will be a pool of liquid and fat. Drain this carefully, but don’t toss it! Use it for soup, or for boiling some sweet potatoes in, or squash, cauliflower. That’s flavour, baby. Don’t waste it.

For shame.

Next, crank your oven to broil.

You will need:

1/2 pint grape tomatoes, chopped
2 handfuls of spinach, chopped
2 slices bacon

Chop up your bacon into bits and bites and fry it up until browned and crispy. Scoop out the bacon and set it aside. Don’t eat it. I know it’s tempting. Hell, I’d do it.

Use half the rendered bacon fat as your ‘sauce’. Spread it evenly over the base.

Toss your spinach into the remaining bacon fat on high. Add salt and pepper to taste. Cook until just wilted. Baby spinach would be perfect for this, but the adult kind is all I had.

Spread your wilted, bacon infused spinach over the base of your meatzza. Add your chopped tomatoes, and crumble that bacon on top. Salt and pepper.

This now goes into your smoking hot oven.

Now.

WATCH THIS!

Don’t step away for too long.

Use your nose! If it smells good. it’s DONE. The edges of your meatzza will be dark and crusty, the tips of tomatoes barely singed.

Slide this badass mother onto a cutting board. Wait a few minutes.

If you can.

I guess…

Cut it up.

Eat.

Love,
me

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MEATZZA!!!

 

 

 

 

When I was 7 years old, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered:

“A PIZZA MAKER!”

I’d hand in my two-dollars to the principal’s office on pizza day last minute just so I could have my pizza. Sigh.

My first job at 16? Dominos Pizza.

Yup. Hard-core pizza addict. Still, the best pizza I’ve ever had is at Lombardi’s in NYC. Here at home, it’s Amadio’s Pizza in Port Credit.

But since wheat is out of my life, when I saw Mark Sisson’s post on MDA for “Meatzza”, I nearly cried. What could be better and more filling than a ground beef ‘crust’, topped with thinly sliced vegetables?

Edited March 27th, 2015. Meatzza is good, don’t get me wrong. But it ain’t pizza. GIVE ME GLUTEN-FILLED ‘ZZA ANY DAY! YAAAAAAS!!!

I’m not going to waste your time. Let’s have at it!

MEATZZA!

For your ‘crust’

1.5 lbs extra or lean ground beef
3 tablespoons of Italian seasoning (sage, rosemary, basil, marjoram, oregano)
1 tablespoon garlic powder
Sea salt, pepper

Sauce and toppings

1 small can of tomato paste
1 tablespoon olive oil
Italian seasoning, garlic powder
Thinly sliced zucchini (about half a small one)
1/4 yellow pepper, thinly sliced
1 large shallot, sliced thinly
1/4 fresh jalapeño, chopped finely
Bit more sea salt

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Combine your ground beef, 3 tablespoons of italian seasoning, 1 tablespoon of garlic powder, and sea salt/pepper to taste. Really mix this up nicely so the seasoning is thoroughly combined.

Have a large piece of parchment paper covering your baking sheet. Take your ball of ‘dough’, and using CLEAN hands, start to this flatten this out carefully. You want a crust about half an inch thick. Don’t worry if it’s not a perfect square or rectangle. Think out of the box. This is MEATZZA! Who cares what shape it’s in?!

Once your oven is ready, pop your crust in for about 10 – 12 minutes. You will want to remove it when it’s almost done to drain off any fat that has rendered out. Be careful that you don’t dump your crust into the sink! I held mine down with a spatula as the fat drained off. Put it back in for the last few minutes. It will not be completely done through. This is ok. Remove it at around the 12 minute mark.

In a small bowl, combine tomato paste, olive oil, sea salt and pepper, italian seasoning and extra garlic powder to your taste. I added about half a tablespoon each, approx. Remember kiddies: I eyeball everything in the kitchen. It’s worked for over 25 years 😉

Spread your tomato sauce over your ‘crust’. Now you get to top your ‘zza! WOO! I placed my zucchini slices down first, sprinkled shallots overtop, then peppers, then jalapeños. A word about jalapeños: you can leave the seeds in if you like. That’s where all the heat hangs out, and they have wild parties together. Or leave ’em out if you’re so inclined. Also, be sure to WASH YOUR HANDS WELL after handling jalapeños, or any hot pepper for that matter. Otherwise, you may rub your eyes and feel a nasty burning sensation. Don’t say I didn’t warn ya! I totally did.

I sprinkled sea salt and extra italian seasoning on top.

Before placing your meatzza back in the oven, turn your broiler on high. Now, all we’re doing is browning the top and cooking through the rest of the crust and the veggies. You will want to watch your meatzza very carefully, and periodically remove it to drain excess fat. If you don’t, your oven will fill with smoke, and your significant other will shoot daggers at you. So, be mindful of your ‘zza!

The browning process should take less than 10 minutes. Again, watch your ‘zza, and take it out when your veggies are sexy and golden brown.

DIG.
IN.

 

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